Libya III: When I Get Married, My Wedding is Going to be 7 Days

ayshaaldaeki
Aug 16
15 min read

Updated: Aug 17

This summer in Libya, my mom kept insisting I go with her to weddings she was invited to during my stay there. While she claimed she wanted her daughter’s “company,” we all know what that really means—potential suitors. When I was younger, I loved attending weddings because they still preserved much of the traditional Libyan essence. Now, however, most weddings feel Westernized and modernized, almost competing over who can spend more, drifting further from authentic Libyan celebrations.

The one thing I ever agreed on with my eldest uncle is that white dresses are part of Western culture. If I ever marry, I’ll only wear one if it is part of my partner’s culture. But one thing is certain: my wedding—no matter who it’s with—will honor the full 7-day Libyan tradition, with all its rituals.

In this post, Libyan weddings will take center stage, though I’ll briefly touch on other traditional occasions. I’ll mention various clothing items and foods without diving deep into their details; those were covered in a previous post in this series.

Engagements

In Libya, engagements typically begin when the groom’s family sees a potential bride and approves of her. Traditionally, the groom’s mother—often accompanied by female relatives—visits several homes to find a suitable match and describes the girls to her son. If he agrees, his father formally proposes, and the families negotiate the dowry, wedding date, and other conditions, known as Al-Shart.

Engagements are usually arranged within tribes or families to preserve heritage. The bride takes time to respond to the proposal, while her family evaluates the groom’s character, reputation, and financial standing.

Traditional Sequence of Events

1. Getting to Know (Ta‘āruf – التعارف)

Traditionally, the groom’s mother contacts the bride’s mother to arrange a visit. She may bring along her sister, her husband’s sister (basically an anut of the groom). In the past, this visit often happened without prior notice, so they could see the girl in her “natural state” — how clean she was, what she wore, and how she behaved at home.

2. The First Meeting & “Nathra Shar‘iyya” (النظرة الشرعية – Permissible Viewing)

The groom visits with his wakīl (legal representative) and meets the bride’s father. He also meets the bride so they can see each other before marriage — a practice encouraged in Islam. In older times, many Libyans skipped this step; in some cases, the groom would not see or speak to his bride until the wedding night.

3. Background Inquiries

The groom’s family discreetly asks about the bride’s moral character, family reputation, and upbringing. The bride’s family does the same regarding the groom’s morals, financial standing, and community reputation.

4. “Al-Fadāniyya” (الفظّانية – Engagement Agreement Day)

Origin of the name comes from the Arabic word “fad” meaning “to give a word” or promise, as the girl is given a promise.

A group of men from the groom’s side visits the bride’s family. They agree on the Mahr (dowry) amount. Dowries vary by region and financial capability, sometimes including wheat, barley, oil, sheep, or gold and cash. They also discuss the conditions in case of divorce and any additional terms either has so they can ensure a smooth marriage with respected boundaries. All men present are considered official witnesses on the agreement and terms.

The bride’s family serves traditional food such as couscous or bazīn, along with tea and desserts (ḥalawāt).

Once agreed, the groom’s family sends a Bayan—jewelry, gold, and other gifts—through women in the household.

5. “Al-Bayān” Day (البيان – Public Engagement)

Origin of the name comes from “tabyīn” meaning “to show”, as the bride publicly shows she is engaged. The groom’s family brings the engagement ring, other gifts, and Ruzāta (creamy almond drink) and ‘A‘bambar (sweet almond-based Libyan sweet) —a crucial pair to sweeten any festive occasion in Libya.

The bride’s family prepares dinner and dessert for the visiting groom’s family. Traditionally, the mother of the groom puts the ring on the bride’s finger, though sometimes the groom does it himself.

6. “Fātiḥa” Day (الفاتحة – Marriage Contract)

This is the day where the official marriage contract is signed. Known in other Arab countries as Milka or Katb al-Kitāb; in Islam, this is the Nikāḥ. We call it Fatiha because after signing the marriage contract, they recite Sūrat al-Fātiḥa (Qur’an opening chapter).

Usually, it occurs about a week before the wedding, and sometimes in the same week of the wedding, in case of any problems arising before the wedding day.

Pre-wedding Preparations

Venue Choice

Preparations begin weeks in advance, sometimes even before the official marriage contract is signed. If the bride’s or groom’s home is small, it is not uncommon for neighbors to offer the use of their largest and most beautiful house. In older traditions, this could be a Shams wa Qamar (“Sun and Moon”) house — a distinctive two-story residence with an exposed rooftop. These homes are ideal for receiving large numbers of guests and hosting multiple ceremonies, as they provide both spacious indoor areas and open-air space for music and dance.

Arrival of the Al-Zemzamat

On the Sunday night before the main wedding week, a group of female traditional singers called Al-Zemzamat arrives at the bride’s home. They are often professional performers, well-versed in wedding songs that carry blessings, humor, and poetry. Once they arrive, they stay until the bride is taken to the groom’s home, providing live music and building an atmosphere of celebration day and night.

Sahryat (Evening Gatherings)

A month before the wedding, women hold nightly gatherings, playing Darbouka drums, singing, wearing silk garments (Rida), and adorning themselves with gold. Sweets, tea, juices, and chocolates are served. These gatherings coincide with shopping for bridal and groom attire and preparing household items.

Mastadnat

Before printed invitations or text messages, women known as Mastadnat were sent to invite guests. They’re usually women who are well aware of the where-abouts of the streets and where all the families are living. They had three roles:

Mastadnat (Askers) – personally invite relatives, neighbors, and friends.
Waqafat (Standers) – oversee the wedding house: cooking, cleaning, welcoming guests.
Sagadat (Goodbyers) – escort the bride to the groom’s house and formally hand her over.

On Wednesday night, they host Sahriyat al-Mastadnat (a gathering for the Mastadnat), with music, tea, sweet and savory pastries, and dancing.On Thursday morning, after breakfast, they distribute a scarf for collecting monetary contributions from family members, and this would be the payment for their service. Then they continue door-to-door invitations, singing, ululating, and spraying perfume.

Couscous Preparation

In older traditions, the couscous for the wedding feast is made entirely from scratch during the week prior to the wedding week.

Gift-Giving Tradition (Saiba)

It is customary for guests visiting either family during this time to bring a Sabat — a container filled with sugar, tea, almond milk (ruzata), biscuits, and red and white almonds. In modern practice, this offering is often replaced with monetary gifts.

Wedding Week Timeline

As mentioned perviously, the Libyan wedding is not as easy as getting on one knee, popping the question, and booking a venue; it consists of a full week filled with different festivities each day. The wedding week isn’t a random occasion, it must start on a Monday and end on the following Sunday.

Day 1 (Monday) – El-Bānī & Gofa Day (الباني – Building / القفة)

Monday marks one of the liveliest and most meaningful days in a traditional Libyan wedding week, blending Building Day (El-Bānī, also called Ḥaṭab Day / Firewood Day) with the colorful Gofa gift parade.

Morning – Setting the Stage

The groom’s family starts by setting up khiyām (wedding tents), hanging strings of lights, and decorating the streets. They also deliver wedding supplies to the bride’s home—firewood, tomato paste, oil, meat, and up to ten sheep—to help prepare for the upcoming feasts. Meanwhile, the bride’s household cleans the home and even the surrounding street before decorating the guest reception room. Plush seats are reserved for the Sadarat, respected elder women from the groom’s family who come on Wednesday wearing al-Bdila al-Kbira, the most expensive traditional dress. A special space is also set aside for the Al-Zemzamat, female singers who will fill the day with music.

The Parade – Al-Gofa

The highlight of the day is the Gofa parade. The groom’s family departs in decorated cars draped with fabric from the bride’s wedding clothes, accompanied by the Noba, male singers performing traditional wedding chants. As the cars leave, women throw salt for protection against the evil eye.

When they arrive, the groom’s family brings a wealth of symbolic gifts:

Jhaz – the bride’s trousseau, including everything from furniture to personal items.
Kswa – her wedding clothes.
Swabeet – ornate containers of silver, silk, or sequins filled with clothing, makeup, perfumes, and other luxuries.
Goufa – a traditional basket filled with incense, henna paper, a mirror, comb, kohl, miswak, and perfumes.
ʿLāga – a woven palm basket holding the goufa items plus marḥya (incense burner), lubān (frankincense), and other beauty essentials.
Zyāna – a woman hired specifically to dress the bride, who only arrives with these items in the men’s cars.

The Tsbeeʿ Ritual

In some regions, the bride is wrapped in a ḥasira (a cover made out of silk and silver sent by the groom), lifted ceremonially seven times, then seated with her face covered. Then the ʿlāga is opened, the henna is touched, and a small amount is tossed behind the bride as she says “al-ḥenna khayr” (“Henna is goodness”), a gesture wishing blessings and prosperity.

Food & Hospitality

In return, the bride’s family sends prepared dishes back with the visitors. Later in the day, the groom’s family brings more provisions—meat, vegetables, fruits, tea, and sugar—for a grand feast at the bride’s home that lasts well into the night.

The Bride’s Ritual – Hammām & Shiyāna

The bride visits the ḥammām (steam bath) with her relatives and friends. From this day until Thursday, she wears Al-Houli Al-Boudri—a pink silk wrap with silver thread over wide trousers (sirwal) and a matching shirt. Her braided hair is covered, and she refrains from makeup or gold jewelry in a tradition called Shiyāna, a deliberate “un-beautifying” so her beauty will shine more on the main wedding night. That evening, her mother hosts a sahra (night gathering) with music from the Nuba and Zamzamat.

Day 2 (Tuesday) – Youm al-Rizq (يوم الرزق – Provision Day)

After the excitement of Monday’s Gofa and Building Day, Tuesday brings a spirit of generosity and community through Youm al-Rizq, the Provision Day. This is when the groom’s family sends an abundance of cooked food to the bride’s household, symbolizing prosperity and the sharing of blessings.

The Feast

The food arrives in large trays and pots, often accompanied by family members delivering them with pride. Traditional dishes fill the table:

Couscous served with tender meat and vegetables.
Ftet (shredded bread soaked in sauce).
Rice with rich tomato sauce.
Bazeen (barley dough served with meat and gravy).
Onions stuffed or simmered in sauce.

Sweet treats balance the savory feast: Maqroud (semolina pastries with date filling), Ghraybeh (buttery shortbread), and various cakes. Drinks include the creamy Almond drink Rozata.

Rbeeʿ Night for the Children

Tuesday evening is especially magical for the children with the celebration of Laylat al-Rbeeʿ. They dress in colorful traditional clothes, play games, and sing along to cheerful music. This playful night is partly practical—by letting the children have their fun on Tuesday, families ensure they don’t become a constant presence on every other wedding day, keeping the later events focused on the core rituals.

Day 3 (Wednesday) – Henna & Najma Night (Laylat al-Ḥenna / Laylat al-Najma)

If Monday was about preparation and Tuesday about generosity, Wednesday is pure heritage — the most symbolically rich night of the Libyan wedding week. Known as both Henna Night and Najma Night (Star Night), it blends beauty rituals, symbolic blessings, and deep family traditions.

Arrival of the Groom’s Family

In the evening, the groom’s family arrives at the bride’s home, often to the beats of drums and joyful ululation. Leading them is the groom’s mother, carrying the most significant gift of the night — the Shinbir (a golden headpiece) or sometimes a Khanaq or large gold necklace. Placing it on the bride’s head marks the symbolic handover of honor: the groom’s mother is passing on her status as the first woman in her son’s life. Alongside this, she may gift other gold pieces or money.

Henna Ceremony

The bride’s right hand is decorated with henna applied by the groom’s mother, an act believed to bring blessing and beauty into her marriage. Henna patterns may also be added later to her hands and feet by female relatives.

Atmosphere & Attire

Women gather in rows (Al-Sadarat), wearing the most expensive traditional dresses Al Badla al Kabira, with silk scarves and heavy gold jewelry. Songs, drumming (Zemzamat), and dancing fill the night until dawn. Dinner is served with a mix of savory dishes and sweets, sustaining the energy until the celebrations give way to the Big Party — the wedding proper — the next day.

The Star Ritual

After the groom’s family departs, the celebration shifts into a more intimate, symbolic phase. Around midnight, the bride — still veiled and holding a large knife — is escorted by female relatives outside to “meet her star.” She uncovers her face seven times, gazing upward and pointing the knife toward the sky. This gesture, accompanied by songs like “Khdeena al-Najma” (“We took the star”), is believed to link her destiny to good fortune.

Back inside, the blessings are shared:

A mirror and a cloth soaked in scented oil are brought out.
A qandeel (lantern) is lit, symbolizing light and guidance.
The bride’s head is uncovered, a little oil is rubbed into her hair, and some henna is applied to her hands.
The remaining oil and henna are distributed to unmarried women, spreading the “good luck” of the night.

You can watch a good depection of this day here:

Day 4 (Thursday) – Wedding Day (Yawm al-Zifaf / Yawm al-Karmoud)

By Thursday, the long week of rituals builds to its peak: the wedding day. Traditionally called Yawm al-Karmoud, the name comes from the Karmoud — a bridal hodj (palanquin) once carried on a camel draped with cotton curtains. While modern transport has replaced camels, the term and its ceremonial weight remain.

Morning – Groom’s Preparation

The day begins with the groom surrounded by his male relatives and friends — al-‘Aareesa. He visits the ḥammam(steam bath), then the barber, before donning traditional groom attire:

Sirwal – wide trousers
Suriwa – long-sleeved gown
Barnous – long outer cloak with a hood (often black)
Kabus – headpiece with dangling cords

Before heading to the bride’s home, a Maluf musical group often leads his procession, filling the streets with Andalusian melodies. In some regions, friends and relatives accompany him through the streets in a celebratory parade (Nuba), ending with performances of muwashahat and poetry.

Afternoon to Evening – The Ceremony

The main celebration takes place at the bride’s home or a chosen venue. The bride may wear a modern white dress or a traditional folk outfit. In regions preserving older customs, she is carried in a closed hodj atop a camel, with the procession led by a horseman bearing a white flag.

Post-Ceremony – The Dukhla

After the festivities, the groom — often accompanied by his eldest sister — escorts the bride to his home. She stays for about an hour, then returns to her family’s house for the night.

Symbolic Entrance Rituals

Before entering the groom’s home, the bride performs a symbolic act:

Jar of water – broken to signify that the groom holds final authority in the household (a tradition many now see as outdated).
Egg – in some cities, cracked for good luck and a happy married life.

Day 5 (Friday) – Mahḍar Day (Bride’s Presentation)

Known as the final night of the wedding, Mahḍar Day is hosted by the groom’s mother at her home to formally welcome the bride. It’s a glamorous and symbolic affair filled with music, dancing, and generous gift-giving.

The bride appears in several outfits, each carrying its own meaning:

The Wedding Outfit (Al-Badla) – A lavish ensemble embroidered with silver and gold, paired with the Khanaq(large necklace) and Shneer (gold crown). The look is completed with six bracelets, four rings, a small gold set, silk fabrics, luxurious shoes, perfume, makeup, and henna accompanied by its traditional essentials — Arabic kohl, mountain musk, and high-quality henna sticks.
Al-Jalwa – Worn when the bride “reveals” her beauty after being concealed during the wedding week. Traditionally a purple dress with a silver-thread-embroidered scarf. Wearing this, the bride ascends a large table while seven women turn her around, singing blessings and wishing her a happy life. She keeps her palms facing her face in prayer, interlacing her fingers seven times in a crosswise motion. This marks the formal conclusion of the Libyan wedding rituals.

Post-Wedding Traditions

After the Mahdar, the celebrations aren’t over — in Libyan tradition, there’s still a full cycle of visits, outfits, and symbolic rituals to honor the bride’s new life.

Day 6 (Saturday) – The Thālith (Third Day Visit)

The bride’s family visits her at her new home, bringing an abundance of traditional foods such as sfinz (fried dough), barley-based dishes, sweets, and zmeeta (barley mixed with honey or dates). The bride wears the smaller, simpler Badla Sghira (small outfit) while receiving guests with music, laughter, and food, reflecting her new role as a married woman.

Day 7 (Sunday) – As-Sbu‘ (“The Week”)

Exactly one week after the wedding, the bride returns to her parents’ home in full Libyan Badla Sghira attire. This lively event is filled with drumming (ṭabla), ululations, playful rituals — such as guests “stealing” something from the bride for good luck — and traditional songs, bringing the extended wedding celebrations to a joyful close.

Additional Traditions

Beyond the wedding week’s main events, some Libyan celebrations feature unique and thrilling customs that blend heritage, spectacle, and a dash of bravado:

Horse Racing – In certain regions, the groom is expected to participate in a horse race — and not just for show. Tradition says he must win, a public display of strength, skill, and readiness for married life.
Al-Hadraa – A traditional men’s gathering of music and rhythmic dance, often performed in a circle to the beat of drums and chants. In some cases, it ventures into the extraordinary, with participants claiming spiritual protection as they perform dangerous acts — like walking on fire or, as I once heard from my brother, even eating glass without a scratch. Whether you see it as faith, skill, or sheer bravado, it’s an unforgettable sight.

Other Occasions in Libya

1. Birth Celebrations (السبوع – Al-Sbou’)

In Libya, Al-Sbou’ — the baby’s seventh day — is a joyful occasion that blends tradition, family pride, and a touch of showmanship, especially for a firstborn.

If the new mother’s family can afford it, her mother (the baby’s grandmother) takes charge. She might prepare a spread of sweets — sometimes four or more varieties — along with al-rub al-haqqani (homemade date syrup), pure butter, clarified ghee, a’sida, and other homemade treats. If she’s feeling generous, she may even gift her daughter a small traditional dress, baby clothes, or essentials like a high chair and walker.

At larger celebrations, the new mother dresses in that small badla (traditional outfit) and is lifted with her baby onto the zamzamat (platform) as drums play and women sing special songs for new mothers.

Traditionally, the baby’s hair is shaved on this day, symbolizing purity. The hair is weighed on a gold scale, and its equivalent weight in money is given in charity to the poor or orphans.

Guests are served a’sida, ruzata (almond drink), a’bambar (sesame and honey sweets), and other treats as they come to offer blessings.

2. Ashura (عاشوراء) – Religious and Cultural Celebration in Libya

Ashura, the tenth day of Muharram in the Islamic calendar, is a religious occasion with deep spiritual significance. It commemorates events such as Prophet Adam’s repentance, Prophet Noah’s ark resting on Mount Judi, and Prophet Moses’ liberation of the Israelites. In Libya, the day has evolved to include a mix of religious rituals and rich social traditions.

Food and Gifts:

Families prepare and exchange traditional dishes like fava beans, chickpeas, barley porridge (Bileela), red Saliqa, Ftet with Dshisha, and Timghtan. Children go from house to house collecting food, sweets, or coins, accompanied by singing and chants specific to each city.

Shishbani – Tripoli’s Iconic Character:

Central to Tripoli’s Ashura celebrations is Al-Shishbani, a young man dressed in palm fiber garments decorated with seashells, green dates, and metallic/paper ornaments. He dances and sings in rhythm with drums while visiting homes to request donations of beans and chickpeas.

Children follow him, singing:“Shishbani ya Bani… hatha hal al-Shibani… hatha haluh wa ahwaluh… Rabbi yuqwi mazaaluh.”

The name “Shishbani” may derive from “Shibani” (grey hair/ old man) or Italian words “etchishti” and “bani”, meaning “beans and chickpeas.” Neighborhoods compete to create the best Shishbani and collect the most food, making him a defining feature of Tripoli’s Ashura celebrations.

Regional Variations:

In Benghazi, women prepare a large dish of beans and chickpeas for family meals. In Darna, the Saliqa includes wheat, beans, chickpeas, dried meat, and spices. Some Libyan families of Turkish or Cretan descent prepare sweetened Bileela with nuts, sugar, and coconut.

3. Mawlid al-Nabi (المولد النبوي الشريف) – Libya’s Celebration of the Prophet’s Birthday

Mawlid al-Nabi is an annual celebration in Libya, eagerly awaited by children and adults alike, to express joy and devotion. Celebrations mix religious observance with social and cultural traditions.

Preparations and Festivities:

In the first days of Rabi‘ al-Awwal, markets are bustling with people buying sweets, flour, ghee, honey, dates, candles, and decorative lanterns. Traditional clothing and shoes are also displayed.

Children make or carry a “Khamsa” (a hand-shaped candle holder or tree-like structure) decorated with flowers and light it during festivities. Girls dye their hands with henna, while boys use traditional kohl for their eyes.

Special Foods:

Rashta or couscous dishes are prepared, along with sweets like ‘khurma’ (a mixture of nut flour, dates, and honey).
In desert towns like Ghaddu, children go door-to-door asking for “al-qirsh,” receiving peanuts, chickpeas, and sweets.
In Ubari, families prepare rice with grilled or cooked meat.
Among the Amazigh, special meals include assida with fenugreek, barley flour, ghee, and traditional dishes like bazin and ftet.

Mosques and Sufi lodges host chants, prayers, nasheeds, and recitations of the Prophet’s life. Streets are decorated with lights and lanterns; incense is burned to enhance the festive atmosphere. People parade in traditional dress, singing and drumming to the rhythm of daff drums, performing songs such as “Reihana al-Arwah” and telling stories of the Prophet’s birth.

In Tripoli, the celebration is lively with street processions and family gatherings.In desert towns, children collect gifts and food from neighbors, keeping the tradition of communal sharing alive.

Among the Amazigh, it is customary to name a child born on this day “Miloud” (boy) or “Milouda” (girl).